Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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