So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
