Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
