k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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