: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
