So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
