Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
