dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
