i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
