Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
