YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
