uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
