Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
