: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
