do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
