my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
