No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A bitchslap is in order.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
