its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
