yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
