Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
please don't ironically join a cult
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