I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
