Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
