You're my little dorito
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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