also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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