im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
