He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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