My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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