end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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