Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
