Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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