I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
