Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hippo gnu deer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
