matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
