i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
