well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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