i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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