If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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