if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
