I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
