At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
