U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
