i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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