the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
