Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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