i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
