I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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