I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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