absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
