There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
