i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
